Obama Accused of Lip Syncing Throughout State Of the Union Address

WASHINGTON D.C. - Less than a month after singer Beyonce received similar criticism following her pre-recorded rendition of the national anthem at President Obama's inauguration, Obama today came under fire after it was alleged that he himself lip synced last night's State Of The Union address.

Nation Subjects Obama to Another 4 Years

WASHINGTON D.C. - In a tight election contest, President Obama was officially subjected to another 4 years in office by a sadistic American electorate Tuesday.

Mr. Obama, who has endured relentless and regularly unfounded attacks from the Republican Party in his first year, will be forced to work in the same, thankless position until 2016, in which he is expected to suffer the vitriolic abuse of the GOP, following the expansion of Obamacare, immigtration reform, and gay rights.

"Thank you to everyone who got out there and voted," said the President-elect, from his victory speech platform in Chicago, Illinois. "Unfortunately we didn't quite make it. That's right: the majority voted for my re-election."

The Obama campaign issued a statment Wednesday, conceding that Republican rival Mitt Romney had "fought a good fight" and that he had successfully fated Obama to 4 more years in Washington D.C.

"We extend our congratulations to Governor Romney," said Obama campaign manager David Plouffe. "His defeat tonight confirms the unthinkable: that President Obama must go through another four years of this shit. We remain gracious in victory."

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The Indy Tribune Endorses Barack Obama for President

INDIANAPOLIS - As we head with uncertainty into a new era, it is time for all Americans to make a decision that will shape our great nation's destiny.

With the presidential election now just twelve days away, we as a nation need to think clearly about whether we want a president who will guide us, or who will misguide us.

We need a leader that displays restraint in the face of adversity; who knows what it takes to get our economy going again; and who isn't 100% bat-shit crazy.

It is for these reasons, and those you are about to read, that The Indy Tribune today endorses President Barack Obama for president.

JOBS

Even though the draconian Obama has persistently threatened to put more and more people back to work, he has at least followed through on this promise by bringing down a national unemployment rate that was in free fall at the continuation of the presidency of George W. Bush. 

FOREIGN POLICY

The president has worked hard to repair damaged relations with hundreds of Not-America countries, and in the process has presided over the capture and killing of Osama bin Laden, who we later discovered was not only a terror mastermind, but an incredibly gifted writer. In the same year, Obama was instrumental in the killing of Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi, who's death prompted instant peace across Libya.

GAY RIGHTS

In his first term, Obama was able to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell, allowing gay soldiers to openly serve in the United States Armed Forces, something that the majority of Republicans opposed. The president has also - unlike his Republican challenger - pledged his support for gay marriage, becoming the first sitting president to do so. This move has proved popular among gays. Well, except for Indianapolis resident, David Schultz, who couldn't give a shit either way.

HEALTHCARE
While there is still more work to be done, President Obama's healthcare bill means that people with pre-existing conditions can not be refused coverage, that insurance companies cannot drop people from coverage after they get sick, and that we'll finally have more sexy doctors and nurses in our nation's hospitals.

"WE STILL SORT OF CAN"
When Barack Obama is elected to office for a second term, we can fully expect another four years of seeing stuff sort of get done. Expect comprehensive immigration reform that nearly goes all the way, some sort of an attempt at Israeli-Palestinian peace, and steady-but-not-perfect jobs numbers. His presidency will be good. In decades to come, it might be viewed as great. We doubt the same will ever be said of Mitt Romney. Even if he were to successfully put a man on Mars.

Thank you,
Indy Tribune  

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Libertarian Candidate Closes Gap on Obama to Just 68 Million Votes

WASHINGTON - According to the latest Zogby poll, Libertarian presidential nominee Gary Johnson has successfully narrowed the gap between himself and incumbent President Barack Obama to just 68 million likely votes. Following strong debate performances against third party and independent rivals, Mr Johnson stunned political analysts Tuesday, as almost 0.7% of the electorate said they would be likely to vote for the Libertarian if the election were held today, compared to 52% saying they would vote for Obama and 49% for Romney. This bears a stark contrast to a September 22nd poll, which gave Johnson an underwhelming 0.6% of likely voters - easily outside of the sample size margin error.

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Big Bird Endorses Elmo for President

SESAME STREET, NY - Insisting that the policies of both President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney have failed to connect with his own personal philosophy, Sesame Street character Big Bird publicly endorsed co-star Elmo for president Wednesday.

Following last week's presidential debate, in which Republican Mitt Romney said he would cut funding to PBS, Big Bird has been launched into the political spotlight, most notably in a campaign ad for President Obama.

"Let's face it," said the 8-foot, yellow Muppet in an address to millions of children nationwide. "The Republicans and the Democrats are two sides of the same coin these days. Only a candidate who represents all Americans, who understands who he is, can get the job done. That candidate is Elmo."

Though the three-and-half-year-old red Muppet did not seek an exploratory commission by the national deadline, it is believed that Big Bird and the rest of the Sesame Street cast are planning to nominate Elmo via a write-in.

Asked what an Elmo Presidency would mean for the economy and job creation, the candidate was unequivocal in his response: "Elmo knows how bad this economy is. After all, on the September 1, 2009 taping of the show, Elmo's mother lost her job. Those were tough times."

"Vote Elmo."

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Presidential Debate An Opportunity for Voters to Determine Which Candidate Least Gaffe-Prone

WASHINGTON D.C. - Presidential candidates Mitt Romney and Barack Obama take center stage Wednesday in the first round of presidential debates, giving millions of voters the opportunity to determine which of the two is least prone to political gaffes.

While various polls indicate that President Obama has a distinct edge on his Republican counterpart, Mr. Romney's advisers are working around the clock to ensure that the former Massachusetts governor "doesn't screw up again.'

"These debates are all about giving people a real look at the candidates," said debate moderator Jim Lehrer. "The American public care a great deal about whether Mitt Romney is going to say something that will insult another large demographic, or whether President Obama will accidentally bring up that whole gun-ownership-thing from 2008 again."

"A candidate's ability to avoid using, say, an embarrassing double entendre or an ill-judged quip that would ultimately end up going viral on YouTube is certainly going to be the main focus of Wednesday's debate."

Meanwhile, blooper-enthusiasts believe that the subsequent vice-presidential debates between candidates Joe Biden and Paul Ryan may draw even higher ratings when it airs nationally on October 11.      

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Romney On His Video Gaffe: 'Obama Is Destroying This Nation'

WASHINGTON D.C. - Attempting to deflect growing criticism following a leaked video allegedly showing him alienating "47%" of the American electorate, Mitt Romney today addressed the issue, declaring: "Obama is ruining this great nation."

Mr Romney came under fire Monday after a video surfaced on the alternative news site MotherJones.com in which he appeared to say: "[M]y job is is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives," to which he emphatically responded: "Things are much worse than they were four years ago under this president."

"I understand there's been a video that's been on the internet for a few weeks that has attracted some attention and I thought I would make some comments about it," said Mr Romney, late last night. "President Obama has been a colossal failure on virtually every issue. That is what I have to say."

Allaying fears that, if elected, he would aim to serve only half of the nation's citizens, Romney assured voters that Obamacare is the "single biggest mistake of Obama's presidency."

"Make no mistake," urged Romney, attempting to dispel the assertion that his campaign does not care about upward of 90 million voters. "Obama should not have overturned 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' when he did. In my view, it was extremely irresponsible of him."

Meanwhile, asked if his latest gaffe could affect his latest poll standing against President Obama, Mr Romney was unequivocal in his response: "Obama must be defeated."

Obama Changes Relationship Status to 'It's Complicated' Just to Shit With Everyone

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WASHINGTON D.C. - In what was intended as a light-hearted prank Monday, President Obama logged into Facebook and changed his relationship status to "it's complicated" just to shit with people.

In an apparent effort to defuse cross-party political tension, Mr Obama temporarily removed all mention of his marriage to First Lady Michelle Obama, allowing his new relationship status to show up in the news feeds of approximately 28 million Facebook users.

"It was just a harmless goof," said Mr Obama in a press conference this afternoon. "The best part was reading all of the comments on my timeline right after I did it. It was freaking hilarious."

"Everyone was, like, "shouldn't you have waited until after the election to announce this sort of thing?" Damn, that shit was funny."

The edit is reported to have garnered upward of 1.3 million likes, with a high percentage of these appearing to come from users who subscribe to Obama's presidential rival Mitt Romney.

It is believed, however, that Obama's prank may not have resonated with his wife Michelle, who is thought to have taken "the whole thing to heart."

"Needless to say, I am extremely disappointed with Barack," said Mrs Obama in a short statement. "How would he like it if I removed The Audacity of Hope from my "favorite books" or, better yet, stopped liking his Fan Page?"

"I'll let him think about those things for a day or two."

Merciless Obama Still Threatening to Put More and More Americans Back to Work

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WASHINGTON DC - President Obama has repeated his cruel and draconian threats to put more unemployed people back to work following next year's election.

During a controversial speech outside the White House Saturday, Mr Obama addressed the so-called "threat to the nation's welfare" of unemployment, with equally heartless members of congress also calling for the creation of thousands of thankless and miserable jobs for the American people to endure.

"This administration is strongly committed to putting more people back to work," said Mr Obama. "We have already introduced several measures to try and stimulate job growth and by next year we aim to put 1.5 million Americans into the careers they are fated to suffer."

The issue of unemployment has intensified over the past 18 months, with the economic crisis helping 30 million happy citizens avoid work altogether.

However, if the sinister machinations of both major parties come to fruition, millions of people will be forced to give up their jobless, sofa-bound lifestyles in the name of what Obama calls "opportunity." As a result, daytime ratings for cable TV networks such as Spike and Lifetime are expected to plummet.

"We are the party of jobs and opportunity," insisted the President. "If there's one thing that me and my adversaries can agree on, it's that we must ensure a job, however demeaning and mind-numbingly dull, for every American who is fit to work."

Obama's announcement comes amid weeks of intense protesting on Wall Street, as thousands of masochistic activists continue to actually petition the government to create more jobs.

"I guess some people just like the idea of mindlessly hauling ass for eight hours a day," speculated House Speaker John Boehner. "Well, those protesters better damn sure be careful what they wish for."

Image credit: U.S. Federal Government. Public Domain.

Obama Set To Formally Accept That He Just Might Have to Endure Another 4 Years of This Shit

CHARLOTTE, NC - President Barack Obama will address the Democratic National Convention Thursday, where he is expected to formally accept that he must see out another four years of this shit.

Mr Obama, who stormed to the presidency in 2008, will head into November's election reluctantly seeking to defeat Republican challenger Mitt Romney to secure a second thankless and fucking miserable term in office.

"Barack is not at all looking forward to the challenge ahead," said Obama's wife, Michelle, in her own address to the DNC Tuesday.

"Even though cross-party bickering and unjustified conservative resentment will likely grow over the next four years, my husband is nonetheless sort of slightly ready to take on the responsibility of leading this great country once more. I guess."  

"But, for what it's worth, he really doesn't want to."

Just knowing that Republicans will be more determined than ever in the coming years to paint him as a tyrannical socialist Nazi with secret ties to al Qaeda, Obama is believed to be highly reluctant to see this "complete mind-fuck of a presidency" through, but will likely do it for "the good of his party."

Meanwhile, asked if he would be ready from day one to lead America forward, Mr Obama was himself unequivocal in his response this morning: "I've fucking had it."

Obama Diplomatically Agrees to Resign Presidency if Re-Elected

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WASHINGTON D.C. - In a gesture aimed at reaching across the aisle to disenfranchised conservatives Sunday, President Barack Obama vowed to resign the presidency with immediate effect if he is re-elected to a second term in office.

Mr Obama, who was elected president in 2008, insisted that the move would ultimately be the "correct thing for all parties" and would serve as a key decision that both he and right wing hawks could agree on.

"Throughout my presidency, I have made repeated attempts at appealing to not only fellow Democrats but legislators within the Republican Party. I believe that my resignation as commander-in-chief would go a long way to smoothing over tensions that exist across the party divide."

"As president, it is my job to make the tough decisions," he continued. "While I won't now get the chance to preside over some of the sweeping and progressive changes I'd promised, my decision to stand down will at least help millions of small-minded and deluded Republicans to move on with their lives."

The president's decision was met with derision by the Romney campaign, with one spokesman insisting that Obama was "simply trying to run away from the problems facing America."

"In making a decision like this, Obama is not showing the true leadership of a president. Choosing to walk away from the job at hand is just another sign of his cowardice. There are two things that our campaign hopes to achieve in November: first, stop Obama from getting re-elected; second, if this fails, we must veto his resignation. Period."

Meanwhile, in the event of Obama's resignation, it is unclear how Republicans will react to the eventuality of Joe Biden being sworn in as president.

Biden Keeps Asking Obama If He Can Take Air Force One for A Spin

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WASHINGTON D.C. - Desperate to hit up a couple of buddies over in Cape Cod, Vice President Joe Biden keeps asking President Obama if he can just take Air Force One for a spin. Vowing that the president's plane would not pick up so much of a scratch, Biden insisted that "a couple of the guys are going out fishing this weekend and it would be really fucking neat to fly in unannounced." However, it is believed that Mr Obama is highly reluctant to loan out the plane after Biden totaled the presidential limousine following an ill-judged New Year's prank.

Obama Unveils Joe Biden As Running Mate

WASHINGTON D.C. - In what many political commentators have described as a "potentially risky political move", President Barack Obama today unveiled vice president Joe Biden as his running mate ahead of the presidential election in November.

The shock announcement ends weeks of speculation over who the president would ultimately pick for the vice presidency, while questions have already arisen around Biden's suitability for the job.

"While he is a thoroughly nice guy, it's difficult to pinpoint his actual recent record," said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, looking at a copy of Biden's resume. "I mean sure, he's made the occasional visit to see our troops in Afghanistan and has presented a bunch of people with medals. But he just... he hasn't done much else."

However, unveiling Biden to voters Tuesday, Obama defended the 69-year-old's record over the last four years, insisting that Biden has "always been there when I've needed him most."

"Let me be clear," announced the president. "Joe Biden is a really great guy to have around: he's... he's funny; he's compassionate; and generally he's just, you know, he's one of life's good guys."

"Joe is Joe," he continued. "That's kind of what I like about him."

Meanwhile, Biden insisted that he will work really hard over the next three months, just so that he can at least "attend a load more of those state dinners."

Gun Laws, Same-Sex Marriage, Women's Rights, Economy, Healthcare Reform, Abortion, Stem Cell Research, Syria, Education Set to Become Number One Issue of Election

WASHINGTON D.C. - With the presidential election just 3 months away, political insiders believe that the one central issue facing the candidates in November will be gun laws, same-sex marriage, women's rights, the economy, healthcare reform, and just generally everything that people are upset about.

Despite conventional wisdom dictating that elections of this magnitude never come down to just one single talking point, it is also projected that the national dialogue will turn solely toward the divisive topic of abortion, Syria, education reform, unemployment, and space exploration. And the war on drugs.

"This election won't be decided on which candidate has the greater campaign finance or the most influential endorsements," said political analyst Ray Freeman. "It will come down to one defining issue and that one defining issue will be the death penalty, stem cell research, gas prices, and funding for the arts."

This view, however, would not appear to be shared by Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who is expected to construct his entire campaign around the solitary issue of the economy, taxes, government spending, investment, and a wide series of money stuff. And gay marriage.  

Meanwhile, incumbent president Barack Obama has stated that, while no one topic will force the agenda in November, the one, overwhelming concern among those he has met on the campaign trail is "all of the above."

Image Credit: composite creative commons.

British Prime Minister Apparently Not Tony Blair Anymore, Nation Finds

WASHINGTON D.C. - During a joint televised address designed to highlight the special relationship between the United States and Great Britain Wednesday, it was revealed to the American public that the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom is not, in fact, Tony Blair anymore.

Image credit. Medill DC. Creative Commons.

Standing alongside President Obama on the White House lawn, the largely unrecognizable figure of "David Cameron" talked at length about the coordinated American/British strategy in Afghanistan, as viewers at home tried to work out what the heck happened to "that Blair guy."

"That's funny," said Charlie Androse from Pittsburgh, PA. "I could have sworn Tony Blair was still the leader of the British people. When did this happen?"

"Perhaps he's just taking a little break. That must be it."

Unaware that Blair - a former close ally of President Bush - stepped down in 2007 to be replaced by the then British Chancellor Gordon Brown, who himself remained Prime Minister for 3 years, Americans across the country agreed that "it's kind of weird not seeing that dude with the crooked teeth up there anymore. This new guy is kind of lame."

"When I saw him at that Basketball game with the president, I just assumed that he was an old classmate of Obama's or something. Then somebody said he was the Prime Minister of England and I was, like, "shit! Blair is looking really young these days.""

Meanwhile, during a meet and greet session with residents in Dayton, OH Wednesday, Britain's current Prime Minister took time out of his schedule to explain that "actually, I've been Prime Minister for nearly two years, I'll have you know."

Obama Suspends Campaign, Endorses Obama

WASHINGTON D.C. - In a move that surprised his voters Wednesday, Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama suspended his campaign following a disappointing outing at the polls throughout recent primaries, endorsing party rival and former Illinois Senator Barack Obama.

Image credit: Obama-Biden Transition project. Creative 

Commons.

Despite heading into ten states uncontested, the incumbent Obama reportedly failed to connect with some of the party's ultra left voter base, prompting fears of a split in the party between voters of Barack Obama and fellow Democrat Barack Obama.

"It has been an epic journey," he told supporters at a post-election rally in Georgia. "But in the end you have to be able to know when enough is enough. It is with a heavy heart that I bring my campaign for the White House to an end, effective immediately."

Following the announcement this morning, Mr Obama moved to unequivocally endorse Mr Obama, whose commanding delegate count makes him the clear favorite to seal the Democratic nomination in August.

Obama's campaign had started promisingly back in January, after a convincing win in Iowa on the opening day of polling. However, in recent weeks President Obama has struggled to deal with the growing popularity of golden boy of the Democratic Party, President Obama.

"I would like to congratulate my rival, Obama," continued Obama this morning. "He has engineered a well oiled machine more than capable of defeating the Republican nominee this November."

"In the best interests of the party, we must stand united behind the president," urged the president.

Meanwhile, Obama's sudden withdrawal from the race has prompted scores of Democrats to also lend their support to the party's sole remaining candidate, Barack Hussein Obama.

Obama Finding Republican Presidential Race Increasingly Hilarious

WASHINGTON - Ahead of Saturday's primary in South Carolina, sources close to President Barack Obama have revealed that the Commander-in-chief continues to derive secret amusement from watching the Republican race for the White House.

Following a week in which one-time conservative front-runner Rick Perry suspended his campaign and embattled former House Speaker Newt Gingrich was forced to once more defend his own marital record, White House sources reported hearing the distinct sound of chuckles emanating from the Oval Office Friday.    

"The president seems to be taking great joy from watching the Republican nominees systematically embarrass themselves," said outgoing Chief of Staff William Daley. "The more fucked up and insane these Republicans become, the harder he laughs."

Publicly, Mr Obama has remained quiet on the GOP campaign effort, opting to sit back - in the comfort of the White House - and wallow in the realization that one of these jokers will actually try to defeat him in the November election.

"He just becomes a complete mess every time Gingrich opens his fat little mouth and says something so indignant, that he alienates around ten thousand voters at a time," said Vice President Joe Biden. "Barack gets a real kick out of that."

"Oh yeah, and every time Mitt Romney inadvertently shows himself to be completely out of touch with middle America, Barack is usually on the floor laughing his balls off. It's... it's quite a sight, let me tell you."

Meanwhile, having announced plans to shrink government and after overseeing a much improved job market, President Obama is expected to announce publicly just "how God damn fucking funny" these Republicans are.    

Image credit: Marc Nozell. Creative commons.

Republicans to Mark MLK Day with Vitriolic Attack on Black Man

WASHINGTON D.C. - Republicans in the House and Senate, along with the party's presidential candidates, are set to spend the entirety of Martin Luther King Jr. Day dishing out relentless criticism of a black man.

Insisting that the man in question - who is thought to be of Kenyan descent - has "gone to great lengths to bring about the downfall of the United States of America," presidential front-runner Mitt Romney said that the African-American individual "must be stopped in 2012."

"It is not acceptable for him to get away with this kind of irresponsibility any longer," said the former Massachusetts Governor, who has openly approved televised ads verbally attacking the black man. "The people of this great country demand better, and that is what I will give them."

On what is intended to be a day marking the birthday of Martin Luther King Jr., who led the civil rights movement of the 1960s and paved the way for racial equality throughout the land, presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich took a moment to pour derision on the black man's attempt at doing his job.

"Let's face it," said Gingrich - himself a longstanding vocal critic of the black man. "He is not being honest with the American people. Every day, he imposes his socialist agenda on this great nation in a way that makes Stalin look compassionate. He is dangerous and cannot be trusted."

Despite officially acknowledging the enormous adversity overcome by blacks in the last 50 years, House Speaker John Boehner vowed that the black man will be relieved of his job later this year, and that Republicans were unified in their efforts to oust him.

"I don't think it's any secret that we will do everything and anything to make sure he is removed from his position," he said. "Make no mistake, we're taking him down."

Image credit: fair use.

Barack Obama Celebrates Landslide Victory in Democratic Iowa Caucus

DES MOINES, IA - In what was truly a night of surprises, incumbent president Barack Obama claimed a landslide victory in the Democratic Party caucus in Iowa tonight.

As precincts reported 51% of all ballots, the president had already taken a staggering 100% of the vote and was subsequently declared the outright winner of the caucus.

While not always a true representation of how the Democratic race for the White House will unfold, victory in Iowa is largely seen as a stepping stone to other primaries and caucuses, with Obama now expecting to win in New Hampshire.

"My campaign has been given the dream start," said Obama in a passionate victory speech this evening. "We concentrated our efforts here in Iowa and the Iowan people have sent out a clear message to my Democratic rivals; that they want me - Barack Obama - to challenge the Republicans for the White House."

Obama's victory in Iowa is being viewed as particularly surprising among analysts in light of the number of attack ads approved by Republican candidates over the past two months.

However, Obama attributed his victory to the "strong positive message" of his campaign, insisting: "I'm not here to talk down fellow Democrats or attack the other party; I'm here to do what's right for America. That's why Iowans voted for me tonight."

Image credit: Sage Ross. Creative commons.

Obama Attempts, Fails to Liven Up Press Conference with Really Racist Joke

WASHINGTON - In an attempt to inject some much needed humor into yet another laborious White House press conference Thursday, US President Barack Obama left media officials "in shock" after unexpectedly telling what has been deemed a "highly racist" joke. 

Obama, known for his usual light-hearted banter with the press corps, had spent the latter half of the conference fielding questions on the global economic crisis, Libya and the 2012 U.S. Election. 

However, sensing that his repetitive rhetoric was starting to "lose some of the crowd", Obama stopped, slammed his fist on the podium and declared: "all right, screw this! Who wants to hear something really funny for a change?" 

"Let's forget about the economy for a minute, guys", said Obama. "I've got this one joke that will have you rolling on the floor in tears. Now do you wanna hear it or not?". Fuelled by a lack of response, the President emphatically repeated the question: "I said do you wanna hear it or not?" 

"All right, here goes. Why do blacks get so afraid of having diarrhea?", he asked, pausing for some kind of response. "Because they think they're melting." 

It took Obama roughly twenty seconds to realize that he was the only person in the venue laughing at the joke, while a group of black men on the front row apparently stormed out in protest. 

"Hey come on guys, lighten up. It's just a joke", he continued. "Besides, black jokes aren't racist if a black guy tells them, right?" 

As it became apparent that his joke had horribly backfired, the usually confident president started sub-consciously thumbing through his notes.

Mr Obama has since been advised to restrict his press conference humor to little anecdotes about Republican Presidential debates, as well as "maybe the odd quip about the standard of the White House's catering service".

Image credit: United States Federal Government. Public Domain.

'Obama is a Nazi' Insist Extreme Right-wing Tea Party Members

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ST. LOUIS - According to extreme right-wing nationalists comprising the Tea Party movement of the United States of America, the policies of current president Barack Obama - a center-left politician - are eerily reminiscent of the ones employed by former German Chancellor and leader of the Nazi Party, Adolf Hitler. 

However, marching through St. Louis this past Sunday, demonstrators, holding aloft signs and banners depicting Obama in full Nazi garb, remained utterly oblivious of the fact that the Tea Party's own fanatical style of politics is itself incredibly similar to that previously embraced by leaders of the Third Reich. 

"Put country first," yelled one deluded nationalist, apparently failing to recall the equally patriotic leanings of Germany's socialist worker's party. 

"Stop Obamacare now and take back America!". 

Meanwhile, posing angrily for the cameras, one demonstrator held up a sign comparing Obama's "cult of personality" status to that of Hitler, seemingly struggling to see similar and perhaps more obvious comparisons between Germany's former leader and mainstream Tea Party favorites, such as Glenn Beck, Michelle Bachman, and birther conspiracy theorist Donald Trump. 

"Hitler, like Obama, was a charismatic and persuasive speaker," announced one particularly ill-informed cretin, "and like Obama, he prayed upon the fears of the very people he set out to lead... thank God for Sarah Palin." 

Describing Obama's handling of the financial crisis as "authoritarian," Tea Partier Donnie Mitchell from Austin, Texas appeared unaware of the fact that the Nazi Party once employed near-identical protests against Germany's liberal-leaning establishment during the Great Depression, resulting in the eventual rise of the Third Reich. 

"Obama's control over the banks is unconstitutional," continued Mitchell, nonetheless. "We must end the current politics in Washington and restore growth to the American economy."  

Finally accusing Obama of somehow displaying both fascist and communist tendencies, Mitchell promised to do everything in his power to "prevent the rise of Communism in this great country" - unwittingly paraphrasing sentiments shared by Hitler throughout the early 1930s. 

"End the status quo in Washington," insisted another flag-waving patriot - displaying no discernible knowledge that another of the Nazi Party's chief aims was to bring an end to the "business as usual" politics of the Weimar Republic. 

"Obama equals fascism. Let the revolution begin."

Image credit: creative commons. JoeInSouthernCA

Obama: 'We Still Sort of Can'

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BLOOMINGTON - A triumphant president Barack Obama continued his re-election campaign today, telling the thousands of supporters who gathered in Bloomington: "we still sort of can."

Referring to the mini successes of his administration since his own inauguration in 2009, Mr. Obama asked: "you guys still have a little bit of hope, right?"

"Since I took office, my administration has kind of pretty much overseen what is almost the end of combat operations in Iraq. Sort of," he said. "We have introduced admittedly watered down, but nonetheless workable healthcare reforms. And what about our economy?: that's... that's doing a little better than it was 2 years ago, am I right?".

Vowing to deliver change that his supporters can at least somewhat believe in, Mr. Obama admitted that a Republican backlash against his reforms had derailed many of his campaign promises, but insisted that "I've done some okay things in my first term, haven't I?" 

"I mean, come on: repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell was a pretty neat move, wasn't it? Sure, I may not have gone as far as I could on the issue of gay marriage, but my record on equal rights is not that bad, is it? Cut me some slack here, will ya?"

Meanwhile, reminding those in attendance that, despite growing U.S. involvement in conflicts in Afghanistan, Libya and Pakistan, it was Obama who presided over the capture and killing of Osama bin Laden, which has "made the country, I guess, a little bit safer."

Image credit: public domain. Indiana Public Media.