tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83878802383802660872024-03-05T18:07:03.244-05:00The Indy TribuneNews and satire from The Indy Tribune | Media and publishing based in Indianapolis, Indiana. An office-less paper.Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-78681257003575897512013-03-08T01:00:00.001-05:002013-03-08T01:00:27.636-05:00God Privately Admits He Doesn't Have Plan for Disabled Boy
HEAVEN - Speaking off-the-record Friday, the Lord God privately admitted that he did not have a concrete plan for local disabled boy Dwight Bowers, who was born paralyzed from the waist down.
Even though the excitable 6-year-old is routinely assured by his parents Kathryn and Edward that God is watching over him, The Almighty Father indicated that He
has given "next-to-no-thought" as to the Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-78550676629256404052012-10-23T23:38:00.000-04:002013-03-06T00:42:35.544-05:00Richard Mourdock's Senate Campaign in Disarray As God Comes Out as Pro Choice
INDIANAPOLIS - The senate campaign of Indiana's leading Republican candidate, Richard Mourdock, is reportedly in disarray Tuesday after the Almighty Father in Heaven identified himself as pro-choice.
God's stance on the issue of abortion comes as a particular blow to Mr. Mourdock, who insisted during Tuesday's senatorial debate that "rape pregnancies are God's will".
However, The Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-20723393885128477522012-10-10T23:59:00.000-04:002012-10-12T11:51:09.745-04:00Obituary - Joel Osteen
Televangelist, author, and pastor Joel Osteen, 49, died October 8 in his Houston home. His widow, Victoria Osteen, issued a statement in which she said that God had "called Joel home." When reached for comment, God had a different perspective. "That wasn't exactly it," said God. "I just finally got sick of listening to that guy prattling on about how I supposedly want everybody to have a big Doug Powershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04496868226619492464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-70160774142816772122012-10-09T00:00:00.000-04:002012-10-09T00:00:04.021-04:00God Puts Global Warming on Hold for A Few Days
INDIANAPOLIS - As temperatures dropped Tuesday to a low of 39° F across the Midwest, God announced that global warming will be put on hold for a few days, while he just tests out a few things.
Eager to continue the mild fall-winter transition that Hoosiers saw in 2011, The Almighty said that residents in Indiana could expect to see no more than fourteen days of decreased temperatures, Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-529550736672885262012-09-26T12:43:00.000-04:002012-09-26T12:59:17.249-04:00Televangelist Knows That You Too Can Fully Submit Your Salary to The LordCOLORADO SPRINGS, CO - In a sweeping address before a live congregation and thousands watching at home Wednesday, televangelist Pastor Arnold Friedrich insisted that, like him, you too can find the path to everlasting light, so long as you are prepared to fully submit your annual earnings to the Lord. Referencing Matthew 7:7, Friedrich said "ask and it will be given you: search, and you will findThe Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02169103994679989621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-67829247114899618842012-08-10T16:32:00.002-04:002012-08-15T15:24:35.044-04:00God Categorically Denies Telling Local Man to Shoot His Family
INDIANAPOLIS - Responding to recent allegations made by the perpetrator himself, His Lordship Almighty God categorically denied Saturday that he had convinced local man Wayne Calzone to murder his wife and two sons.
God's emphatic response comes after 32-year-old Calzone made claims to officials at the Indianapolis Police Department that he was "carrying out the work of the Almighty, and that Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-89853432838264096352012-07-11T14:06:00.001-04:002012-07-11T14:06:41.262-04:00Agnostics Still Undecided Ahead of 2012 Deity Election
JERUSALEM - With the 2012 Deity Election just four months away, a recent poll by the Celestial Examiner has found that 78% of Agnostics are still undecided as to which divine entity they will vote for.
Candidates from the four major religions will contest November's election, with Christianity's Jehovah just edging in the polls ahead of Allah of the Islamic faith, Vishnu of Hinduism and Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-92120611846155567712012-04-24T00:08:00.002-04:002012-04-28T19:07:00.534-04:00God Takes 2-Week Vacation, Leaves United Nations in ChargeHEAVEN - Taking a much needed break from the rigors of managing the planet Earth, which He has ruled over with omnipotence since its creation at the dawn of time, His Lordship Almighty God has reportedly taken a 2-week vacation, leaving representatives from the United Nations in temporary charge in his absence.
Retreating to one of his favorite destinations within the Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-85481814917665038292012-03-21T22:18:00.000-04:002012-03-21T22:18:48.985-04:00God Trades Tim Tebow to The JetsNEW YORK CITY, NY - In an unexpected move Wednesday, Almighty God negotiated a deal with the Denver Broncos to trade quarterback Tim Tebow - one of the Lord's most ardent followers - to the New York Jets.Tebow, who was released from The Bronco's roster following the team's acquisition of former Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning, was made aware of the trade-off yesterday morning in a Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-33927592098194842652012-03-17T15:12:00.000-04:002012-03-17T15:13:32.887-04:00Green Clothes, Complexions Set to Mark St. Patrick's DayINDIANAPOLIS - In what will undoubtedly prove a night of unabashed partying, revelers across the city are set to mark St Patrick's day by wearing a combination of green clothes and the subsequent green complexion that 8 pints of Guinness is known to produce.
Following a parade in the city of Indianapolis yesterday, sales of green wristbands, hats and novelty leprechaun shoes Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-28898787609604473092012-03-10T16:01:00.000-05:002012-03-10T16:01:46.583-05:00God Getting Worryingly Into Disaster MoviesHEAVEN - In what proved a serious concern for the International Community Saturday, unconfirmed sources described how His Lordship Almighty God has "really been getting into the disaster movie genre recently," adding: "He's watched Twister, like, 8 times in the last month."
Even though disaster films are typically criticized for their lack of artistic merit, God keeps inviting other deities The Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02169103994679989621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-68761392080289974622012-02-17T00:00:00.000-05:002012-02-20T19:54:24.610-05:00Jesus Just Assumed That Republicans Knew About His Socialist Leanings
WASHINGTON D.C. - Speaking amid right-wing concerns that the United States is slowly becoming a socialist nation, Jesus Christ insisted Thursday that he just sort of assumed that members of the Republican Party - which comprises some of his most ardent followers - knew about his own socialist leanings.
The Son of God has kept relatively quiet during the Republican presidential primaries,The Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02169103994679989621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-18343514146683683262011-12-22T00:00:00.000-05:002011-12-22T08:12:20.586-05:00Economic Struggle Forces Mary and Joseph to Merge Christ's Birthday, Christmas Presents Into One
BETHLEHEM - Citing financial hardship amid the ongoing global economic downturn, Mary and Joseph - the parents of Jesus Christ - have conceded that they will have to merge their only son's birthday and Christmas presents into one.
After years of making sure that Christ - whose birthday happens to fall on Christmas Day - always gets a least one present for each occasion, the couple insisted Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-61467443177360569592011-12-13T22:55:00.000-05:002011-12-18T12:22:30.328-05:00Resilient Christmas Claims Victory in War on Christmas
NORTH POLE - Christmas - the holiday widely regarded as the most wonderful time of the year - today claimed victory in the War on Christmas, after enemy combatants and political correctness brigades surrendered in the early hours of the morning.
Its victory brings to a close 11 years of violent combat, which has seen bureaucrats carry out persistent strategic attacks on the special day in a Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-76720796595540193852011-10-31T22:49:00.000-04:002011-12-17T01:37:31.340-05:00God Quietly Blessing Other Nations
HEAVEN - According to celestial insiders and various mythical figures, His Lordship and Creator of All Things, Almighty God has been quietly blessing nations other than the United States of America.
Even though much of His time - which is widely believed to be infinite in length - is spent blessing the fifty states, it was reported that God has sought to anoint several other countries, with The Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02169103994679989621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-61794154848118857332011-09-10T18:42:00.001-04:002012-07-02T23:34:13.034-04:00Report: Churches to Outnumber Christians by 2035
INDIANAPOLIS - According to a study conducted by the United States Census Bureau, the number of Churches located in Indiana is likely to become higher than the state's total number of Christians by the year 2035.
The findings, which were gathered over the past six months, found that the number of churches - from across all branches of the Christian faith - has increased at a record rate duringLaurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-31117226332401354122011-09-02T15:36:00.001-04:002011-12-16T23:57:12.446-05:00Flood Warnings Issued After God Knocks Back 8 Cans of Miller Lite
INDIANAPOLIS - The national weather service has issued severe flood warnings across most of the Midwest ahead of this weekend, after His Lordship Almighty God went on a Friday night drinking binge.
According to heavenly sources, God - hosting a gathering of elite deities - knocked back eight cans of Miller Lite, as well as three glasses of complementary wine in a night of Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387880238380266087.post-59081931873991134152011-06-26T00:50:00.001-04:002019-06-20T14:02:54.975-04:00God Gay
In a stunning revelation that is set to turn the Christian world on its head, Almighty God has admitted that He is a homosexual.
The Lord Above also talked at length about the "steamy and tumultuous relationship" He has had with another male deity over the past 1,462 years, but would not be drawn on His lover's identity.
The news will come as an enormous blow to a large sect of the Christian Laurence Brownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12273049523024052213noreply@blogger.com