Local Man Not Being Racist, But

ANDERSON - Attempting to deflect any potential accusations that you might subsequently have, Indiana man Adam Herzberger insists that he is not being racist or anything, but.

Image credit: Flickr. iamelliotjames. Creative Commons.

Evidently about to reveal a hitherto undisclosed opinion about the African American residents living on the city's east side, the 21-year-old Anderson native just wants to make it clear to you that, honest to God, he has nothing against black people, it's just... you know?

Going as far as to state that some of his closest high school friends were, in fact, black, Herzberger reiterates that, even though he owns an awesome collection of late nineties Samuel L. Jackson movies, those African Americans down town are kind of... you know what he's saying?

Seemingly of the belief that what he is about to say is totally going to be okay with you, Herzberger nevertheless admits that Dr. Martin Luther King and all of those guys behind the civil rights movement were, like, totally awesome. This notwithstanding, that one family that lives on Dalton Street - you know, the house with the broken windows and the lopsided shed? They're, like... you get his point, right?

While you politely nod and smile, Herzberger proceeds to insist that while blacks have never really given him any trouble or anything like that, there is obviously a correlation between Anderson's crime rate and... he's just saying.

Husband and Wife Agree to Renew Their Marriage Counseling

INDIANAPOLIS - After months of fervent consideration, Indianapolis couple Dwayne and Melissa Hughes have agreed to renew their marriage counseling - 2 years after their first session.

Image credit: mashleymorgan. Creative Commons.

The couple say they have not told members of their immediate family, insisting: "we'd like to keep it a private thing between the two of us."


"It's something we've been thinking about for a while", said Dwayne, 33. "When you find that you love the other person less and less each day as we do, it's the natural next step to take."


"Now just seems like the right time", he continued.


After considering various locations, the couple nostalgically decided to renew their marriage vows at Marshall Town Family Service Center - the very place where, on March 4th, 2010, they first exchanged unspoken resentment toward one and other before a presiding counselor.


"I remember it like it was yesterday," said Melissa, 32. "Dwayne was so nervous throughout the whole thing. At one point, I really feared that he was getting cold feet. But after taking a moment, he went ahead and finally admitted the truth about him and that bitch, Megan."


"It was a moment I shall never forget." 


As part of the renewal process, the couple will be unified in an intense 90-minute consultation, to be followed by an intimate and somber walk to their 2009 Mustang Convertible.

Man Forced to Name Son Spiderman After Facebook Fan Page Reaches 1,000,000 Members

INDIANAPOLIS - A local Facebook user is cursing his luck after his Facebook fan page - 'If 1,000,000 people join I'll name my kid Spiderman' - today reached 1,000,000 members.

Justin Kowalski of Indianapolis says he initially set up the group as a joke, never expecting more than 50 people to show any interest in it. But within a week of its inception, the group had garnered 150,000 members, and its small mention in the Indianapolis Star propelled its membership to as high as 600,000 just days later.

"I could not believe it", said Kowalski. "Here I was thinking no one but my friends would even notice the damn thing, when all of a sudden three quarters of a million people had liked the page. I soon realized I was probably going to have to follow through with my promise".

Kowalski's wife Molly is said to be furious at her husband, not least because she had always planned to name their son after her late father Eric, a man she held very dear.

"My father meant so much to me", she said. "This was supposed to be a way of carrying on his legacy. Now we have no choice but to name our son after a stupid comic book character".

Since receiving word that his fan page had broken the 1 million barrier, Kowalski has 'pleaded' with members to forget they ever joined the page and to let him call the baby something else.

"It's pretty hard to convince some of my most loyal followers", he said. "Perhaps they'll let me get away with using Spiderman as his middle name instead".

This is not the first time a Facebook user has tried to achieve such a feat: in 2007, a British man placed a bet that he could find 1 million people who would disapprove of 'I-Bet-I-Can-Find-1,000,000-People-Who' type fan pages, while one desperate woman's assertion that she could find 1 million men 'who'd like to screw her' backfired when even her boyfriend at the time refused to join the group.

Image credit: composite from creative commons.