Piece of Folded Card Irreversibly Strengthens Bond Between Wife, Husband

INDIANAPOLIS - Sources reported Thursday that a single piece of folded card - the same paper stock used to package cereal and Lean Cuisine frozen meals -irreversibly strengthened the loving bond between local woman Nancy Hargis and her husband Matthew.

Husband and Wife Agree to Renew Their Marriage Counseling

INDIANAPOLIS - After months of fervent consideration, Indianapolis couple Dwayne and Melissa Hughes have agreed to renew their marriage counseling - 2 years after their first session.

Image credit: mashleymorgan. Creative Commons.

The couple say they have not told members of their immediate family, insisting: "we'd like to keep it a private thing between the two of us."


"It's something we've been thinking about for a while", said Dwayne, 33. "When you find that you love the other person less and less each day as we do, it's the natural next step to take."


"Now just seems like the right time", he continued.


After considering various locations, the couple nostalgically decided to renew their marriage vows at Marshall Town Family Service Center - the very place where, on March 4th, 2010, they first exchanged unspoken resentment toward one and other before a presiding counselor.


"I remember it like it was yesterday," said Melissa, 32. "Dwayne was so nervous throughout the whole thing. At one point, I really feared that he was getting cold feet. But after taking a moment, he went ahead and finally admitted the truth about him and that bitch, Megan."


"It was a moment I shall never forget." 


As part of the renewal process, the couple will be unified in an intense 90-minute consultation, to be followed by an intimate and somber walk to their 2009 Mustang Convertible.

Indiana Couple Choosing to Abstain from Postmarital Sex

INDIANAPOLIS - Citing individual beliefs, core moral values and a mutual feeling of resentment toward the other person, Meredith and Anthony Boyer have pledged to experiment with the idea of abstaining from all forms of sexual activity now that they are married.

Mrs Boyer, who married her then fiance just three months after the two were first acquainted in 2008, says that the idea of having sex with someone to whom she is adjoined in Holy matrimony is "just not natural."

"It would go against everything I have learned to believe as an adult," said the 26-year-old accounts coordinator from Indianapolis. "While I truly believe that sex should be practiced between two people during the dating phase, making love to a husband with whom you have increasingly little in common is just wrong and disturbing."

"I ward off temptation by watching TV."

For his part, Mr Boyer believes that sex should only be practiced for the purposes of recreation and is "not - in any way - compatible with the married lifestyle."

"When I first met Meredith I knew that she was the only person I ever wanted to marry and ultimately stop having sex with. Now that I'm 28, the idea of making crazy, passionate love to my wife doesn't even register as a thought in my head."

"And on the rare occasion that it does, I quickly banish it by thinking about a report that's due the next morning or a meeting that took place earlier today. Anything to cast off the uncomfortable thought of my wife putting her hand down my pants."

Due to self imposed restrictions, meanwhile, the Boyers have even opted to refrain from sharing the same sleeping space, with the couple agreeing "that it might be for the best if Anthony sleep on the sofa downstairs."    

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Local Man's Marriage Beginning to Put Huge Strain on Affair

INDIANAPOLIS - Local man, Benjamin Thomas, insists his marriage to thirty-three-year-old Laura Di Marco is having a "detrimental effect" on his affair with pretty bank clerk, Michelle Hunt. 

Speaking 'off the record' to the Tribune Friday, Thomas revealed that embarking on a three year marriage at the same time as committing to an affair has proved "mentally draining". 

"I know the whole marriage thing isn't fair on Michelle", said Thomas. "She's everything a man could want in a mistress, and for her sake I'm gonna try to end the marriage before it causes my affair to completely fall apart". 

Things had started promisingly for the adulterous couple, who met in a local nightclub in 2006. Together, they opened up a joint bank account and planned a secret life together, until things slowly turned sour.

"Marriage was always going to put a huge strain on my affair," continued Mr. Thomas. "It seemed like a harmless commitment at the time, but it just kind of spiraled out of control after... well, after our honeymoon in Barbados." 

Miss Hunt, who, meanwhile, remains utterly oblivious of the fact that her lover is secretly engaging in marital bliss, nevertheless insisted that "Benjamin has been acting kinda weird recently."  

"I have to be absolutely certain before I make any accusations," she said. "But from the late shifts to the ring-shaped tan-line on his wedding finger, I'm starting to get concerned."

"I really want to confront him, but I guess I'm afraid of what I'll hear.," she continued. 

Mrs Di Marco, meanwhile, has declined to comment on the matter, briefly stating that the last thing she wants to do is drive a wedge between Thomas and his lover.

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Kim Kardashian Sells Exclusive Divorce Photos to People Magazine

LOS ANGELES, CA - Socialite and actress Kim Kardashian has agreed a deal with celebrity gossip magazine People to publish exclusive photos of her bitter divorce from Kris Humphries.

The star, who filed for divorce just five months after tying the knot in May, will reportedly earn in excess of $2million for the 3-page spread, which is expected to feature in the magazine at the beginning of December.

Announcing the deal on her website Sunday, Kardashian said she hoped that the pictures would capture the true spirit of the occasion, adding: "This will give my fans a first-hand glimpse into our painful separation. It's going to be really sensational."

People, which famously produced full-color photos of the divorce of Paul McCartney and Heather Mills back in 2008, says that the publication will feature a front page spread depicting a crestfallen Mr Humphries awkwardly signing the divorce settlement.

"It really will be a moment to remember," said editor Michael Laurenza. "We want to make sure that we capture every intimate detail of the day itself, as well as the heartbreaking and awful days leading up to it."

"It's going to be one of our best shoots yet," he continued.

Meanwhile, speculation is already mounting as to what dress the former bride will wear for the divorce proceedings, with the 31-year-old insisting: "It just depends on how much money I get from the settlement."

Attribution :  © Glenn Francis, www.PacificProDigital.com  

Creepy, Anti-Gay Congressman Okay with Same-Sex Marriage if it's Smoking Hot Lesbians

CARSON CITY, NV - Despite a strong and consistently anti-gay voting pattern, Congressman Dean Heller (Rep. R-Nevada) has suggested that gay marriage should be a constitutional right in cases where those tying the knot are two outrageously stunning lesbians.

Addressing a summit on civil rights in Carson City Friday, Heller insisted that he was "more than comfortable with the idea of seeing two ravishing blondes exchange wedding vows - so long as they are willing to get it on in a steamy video."

"Generally speaking, I believe that marriage should be recognized as a union between one man and one woman," he said. "But if two girls want to penetrate each other during a night of matrimonial bliss, who am I to say they can't? In fact, I'm all for the idea."

The announcement marks an unusual u-turn for Heller, who went on to reaffirm his opposition to the marital aspirations of gay men, transgendered couples and television personality Rosie O'Donnell.

Gay Man Not Ready for Marriage Anyway

INDIANAPOLIS - A 26-year-old homosexual says he has little interest in protesting the imposition of restrictive marriage legislation in the state of Indiana, stating that he has no desire to marry at this time. 

David Schultz, a business consultant in downtown Indy, insists that the ban on same-sex marriage did little to affect his life when it was first ratified earlier this year and he has even turned down several invitations to participate in various rallies and marches across the city.

"A lot of my gay friends have given me hell over this whole issue, but I honestly couldn't care less at this point," he told the Tribune. "If getting married is so important to them then good luck; go and protest. But for me, I'm not going to give up my Saturday afternoons just to haul my ass two miles across the city to wave some stupid signs around".

"I just don't see the fucking point," he added.

Same-sex marriages are permitted in just 6 of America's fifty states, with the state of Indiana passing legislation earlier this year to continue the state's ban on the union of homosexuals.

But when asked whether the measures had caused him to think about relocating to a gay-friendly state such as Massachussetts, Mr Schultz said he had no intention of moving any time soon.

"Look, I'm just not ready to settle down," he said. "In fact, if I'm honest, the whole idea of marriage scares me crazy. I mean, all that compromise and for what? So I can spend the rest of my life being nagged at about dishes. I'm sorry, but the more I think about it, the more I want to just forget about the whole relationship thing altogether."

Image credit: Flickr. DavidSpinks. Creative commons.