Rick Santorum Appalled That Rick Santorum Popular in State That Recognizes Gay Marriage

DES MOINES, IA - After emerging as one of the frontrunners in last night's caucus in Iowa, social conservative Republican Rick Santorum is utterly dismayed that he is popular in the Hawkeye State - one of only six states to recognize same-sex marriage.

While Santorum's late surge comes as a timely boost to the former Pennsylvania senator's low key presidential candidacy, his staunch opposition to the practice of same-sex marriage - famously ratified by Iowa lawmakers in 2009 - makes it "incredibly hard to enjoy tonight's success".

"While I am truly grateful to the thousands who turned out to vote, I must make clear my dissatisfaction at being associated with the morally perverse state of Iowa," said Santorum in his victory speech.  "I feel like I've been violated."

"Once again, it is nice to get my campaign off to a good start," he continued. "I just wish it didn't have to be in a state that is okay with letting two dudes live the life of holy matrimony. Bring on New Hampshire - another place where the courts don't understand the true meaning of marriage."

Santorum, who fought a close battle with Mitt Romney in last night's caucus, moved to distance himself from the state of Iowa this morning, insisting that "from here, the campaign moves on."

"What can I say? Winning in a state like Texas wouldn't leave me feeling dirty like tonight. I really can't wait to get around to the more traditional places on this journey."

Meanwhile, Mr Santorum would not be drawn on rumors that his campaign team has shelved plans to spend big in the state of New York later this year.  

Image credit: Gage Skidmore. Creative commons.

Barack Obama Celebrates Landslide Victory in Democratic Iowa Caucus

DES MOINES, IA - In what was truly a night of surprises, incumbent president Barack Obama claimed a landslide victory in the Democratic Party caucus in Iowa tonight.

As precincts reported 51% of all ballots, the president had already taken a staggering 100% of the vote and was subsequently declared the outright winner of the caucus.

While not always a true representation of how the Democratic race for the White House will unfold, victory in Iowa is largely seen as a stepping stone to other primaries and caucuses, with Obama now expecting to win in New Hampshire.

"My campaign has been given the dream start," said Obama in a passionate victory speech this evening. "We concentrated our efforts here in Iowa and the Iowan people have sent out a clear message to my Democratic rivals; that they want me - Barack Obama - to challenge the Republicans for the White House."

Obama's victory in Iowa is being viewed as particularly surprising among analysts in light of the number of attack ads approved by Republican candidates over the past two months.

However, Obama attributed his victory to the "strong positive message" of his campaign, insisting: "I'm not here to talk down fellow Democrats or attack the other party; I'm here to do what's right for America. That's why Iowans voted for me tonight."

Image credit: Sage Ross. Creative commons.

Reagan Surging in Polls Ahead of Iowa Caucus

DES MOINES, IA - As speculation mounts over who will be the latest front-runner in the Republican presidential race, former president Ronald Reagan has enjoyed an unexpected surge in the polls ahead of the Iowa caucus on January 3.

Though Reagan concluded his presidency in 1989 and passed away 15 years later, the so-called golden boy of the Republican Party emerged from relative obscurity Wednesday to secure 21% approval from those polled in Iowa.

The sudden emergence of Reagan as a viable 2012 presidential candidate follows similar highly unlikely poll jumps in recent months, with a Christian evangelist, a former pizza mogul and a mother of 28 children enjoying moments in the political limelight.

Speaking on former President Reagan's behalf, former First Lady Nancy Reagan said that grass roots campaigning in Iowa was behind her late husband's resurgence, but would not be drawn on how she viewed his chances of landing the White House.

"I am obviously delighted that Ronny is doing so well," she said. "Iowans have sent out a clear message: that they are sick of Obama; that they want a leader who can fix the economy. Who better than Ronny?"

"I just wish he was still with us. He'd be so proud of himself."

According to the most recent poll, Iowans rank Reagan in third place, closely behind former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and Texas congressman Ron Paul.

Romney was quick to acknowledge his new rival, but played down Reagan's chances of winning in Iowa.

"With all due respect to President Reagan, it would be highly unconstitutional to elect someone who is deceased - even if he was the greatest leader for generations. That said, if I myself am unsuccessful in Iowa, he certainly gets my vote."

Image credit: public domain.