COLORADO SPRINGS, CO - In a sweeping address before a live congregation and thousands watching at home Wednesday, televangelist Pastor Arnold Friedrich insisted that, like him, you too can find the path to everlasting light, so long as you are prepared to fully submit your annual earnings to the Lord. Referencing Matthew 7:7, Friedrich said "ask and it will be given you: search, and you will find; hand over $37,000 and the God will love you forever." As of press time, more than 200 members of Friedrich's congregation say that they have learned to fully accept the Lord God into their bank account.
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