SANFORD, FL: A gated community in Sanford, Florida has today announced that it is updating the constitution of its Neighborhood Watch organization. A spokesman for the organization has commented that the changes were necessary "in order to reflect the changing attitudes and prevailing opinions that will influence the decision-making of our Neighborhood Watch in the future."
In a press release, the Neighborhood Watch states that it has revised its policies in regard to several pressing issues, including "on-street parking during community events", "dumpsters blocking access to alleyways", "killing suspicious and possibly trespassing niggers" and "setting a strict curfew on the bi-annual bake sale".
The organization formally ratified its constitution in 1997, and this is the second major change in its policies in that time. The full text of the amendment has yet to be released, but excerpts have been posted on the group's Facebook page for public debate and approval. The first confirmed alteration to the text is quoted below, which was apparently added "mostly unchanged, barring a comma here and there."
According to the Neighborhood Watch spokesman: "A well regulated Neighborhood Watch organization being necessary to the security of a gated community, the right of the people to fear and shoot niggers shall not be infringed."
Unsurprisingly, the changes have proven to be controversial within the community. Resident Mark Latchford has emerged as one of the amendment's staunchest critics, leading a counter-movement to block its passage.
In a statement, Mr Latchford has said that they "disagree with the changes on principle. The ideals and morals expressed within the amendment are, to us, plain to see and it is amazing that we are even considering passing it in its current state. I mean, it's absolutely crazy that I won't be able to park at the end of my own driveway during next year's Fourth of July celebrations without prior written approval three weeks in advance. How many hoops do these people expect us to jump through?"
The amendment is expected to be passed within the next week, in time for an unspecified community celebration.
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