Dear Dr. Sister, My Boyfriend Plays With His Dandruff and It's Disgusting

Dear Dr. Sister:

I've been dating a wonderful man for the last 3 months. He's intelligent, kind, witty, has a great job making a very good salary, devotes time and money to worthwhile charities, wants children (one day), loves me to distraction, and is a tremendous lover. I should be in seventh heaven.

However, he has a certain personal habit that really bothers me. Whether we're alone together or out in public, he will scratch his scalp, then examine the fingernail that did the scratching (it will be filled with soap residue and flakes...yes, he has a dandruff problem). With the pinky fingernail on his other hand, he scrapes the residue out from beneath his nail and propels it onto the floor with a rapid brushing of his fingertips. He does this constantly, wherever we may be, and I'll be honest: I find it revolting.

It's enough to give me serious second thoughts about him, and the relationship. But I wonder whether I'm being too picky, too superficial. What do you think? Can I truly find happiness with a man who is constantly grooming himself in this manner?

Signed,

Perplexed in Peru

My Precious Perplexed,

Father Henry used to do this until we super-glued a swim cap to his head. Might I suggest a similar solution?  I'd suggest a flowery swim cap. I think those are so cute! I used to have one until Sister Rosemary ate mine. She has pica and eats rubber. We haven't been able to go anywhere in months because she ate all of the tires on our bus (it's a short bus-smaller tires). She's an idiot. If you find men in swim caps sexually unattractive, wait until he falls asleep and file all of his fingernails to a point. I'd suggest you just cut them off, but it seems like this moron needs to learn the hard way. While you're at it, paint them pink. 

Word To Your Mother Superior,

Sista

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