Local Grandma Thinks Rest of Family Should Know That Janice from 3 Doors Down Undergoing Bowel Operation

INDIANAPOLIS - Systematically phoning every adult member of her immediate family Monday, 91-year-old local grandma Eileen Calderwood thought that everyone should know that Janice from three doors down is going in for her bowel operation this Friday.

Insisting that her neighbor, with whom Calderwood's family are only vaguely familiar, has appeared "very pale recently," Calderwood openly

Obituary - Mary Alice Watkins

Today's obituary was written by 13 year old Brandon Norris of Ms. Rice's Journalism Club at Carmel Middle School, as part of our esteemed obituarist's educational program, "Yu Tu Can Obitu."

Mary Alice Watkins who was like 98 died on October 25 at Hamilton Trace Retirement Home in Fishers where she stopped being alive. I was going to ask what she died of but this reporter told myself that it was pretty obvious that she died of being super old. So I'm sure that's what happened. She had three kids but it's weird to call them kids because they're kind of super old too. And grandkids. A bunch, this reporter thinks. Anyways her funurul will be in a couple days at that one place on Rangeline that I guess is called Leopard or something like that.

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Obituary - Elizabeth Crader

Elizabeth Ann "Liz" Crader, 83, died October 14 in Indianapolis.  Crader, the mother of six grown children, enjoyed offering support and advice to the young mothers in her neighborhood, at her church, or really anywhere she happened to encounter them. "Oh, Liz just loved to help all the young mothers," reported Crader's longtime best friend Alice Schnaebel. "The mommies these days just have no idea how to raise children. Well Liz was there for them, to set them straight." Pausing to offer a hard candy, Schnaebel continued, "Whether it was letting them know that breast feeding their child in public was filthy and disgusting and that formula was made by scientists so it was better for the baby anyway, or making sure parents know that they should not let their little girls even pick up a toy truck or their little boys even pick up a doll, or showing them that nothing stops a crying fit better than a sharp slap across the face, Liz was their guiding light. What'll they do without Liz?" Crader's body was found in a ladies restroom at the Indianapolis Children's Museum. She had been beaten to death with the diaper changing table. Witness accounts sent police searching for an exasperated-looking woman pushing a stroller, but officers found hundreds of suspects matching that description at the museum. The investigation is ongoing.

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Obituary - Eustancia L. Marbrook

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Eustancia L. Marbrook, 114, known affectionately in her family as “That Old Battleaxe,” died in her Fishers home on August 18 of natural causes. A family spokesperson reported that for years the family had been amazed that Mrs. Marbrook refused to “just die already” and through its grief the family was “relieved to finally have an end to our suffering.” The tearful spokesperson then quickly corrected “our” to “her.”