Obituary - Susan Jeffras

Susan D. Jeffras, 48, died November 7 at Community East Hospital. Jeffras had arrived home from work on Wednesday evening to find that her son Brandon, 16, had cleaned his room, taken out the garbage, prepared dinner, and completed two loads of laundry--including putting the folded laundry away--all without being asked. "I showed her all of that, and she just gasped and clutched at her chest and fell over." Brandon immediately called 911, but Jeffras was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital. "Her heart just couldn't take the strain," reported emergency room physician Dr. Mary Stutz. Brandon, who will be moving into the home of his father and Jeffras' ex-husband Gary Jeffras, was in shock. "I never even got to ask her about getting me a car. That's the whole reason I did all that. Oh well, I'll have plenty of chances to try again at Dad's house. That place is a real shithole."

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Indiana Mom Prepares Child For His First Full Day of No More Fun

INDIANAPOLIS - With around two weeks to go until the start of school, Indiana mom Annette Nichols is anxiously getting her 6-year-old son ready for his first day of what will ultimately be no more fun.

Enrolling him in classes at Brookside Elementary School in Indianapolis, Nichols, 37, has already accompanied her son, Evan, to a Back to School festival in an effort to teach him that his days of unbridled playtime are set to become increasingly rare as he gets older.

"It's very important that Evan is not just thrown in at the deep end," said Nichols, herself a teacher. "He has to learn that the carefree, toy-filled world he has enjoyed since birth will soon be replaced by laborious amounts of homework and an endless myriad of standardized tests."

"It's hard telling your only son that Spiderman will eventually cease to be the center of his universe," she continued. "But from the moment he steps foot in Brookside, he has to know that disciplined studying and excellent grades take precedent over the hours he currently spends having fun."

Warning Evan that the rest of his life will likely amount to little more than a continuous stream of regimented graft and thankless chores, Nichols has been secretly confiscating her son's adorable collection of Thomas The Tank Engine coloring books.

Image Credit: Fair use.

Local Mom Just Worries About Her Perfectly Well Adjusted Son, That's All

ANDERSON - Even though her son Ryan has already fashioned a relatively successful career in print publishing, is happily married with two beautiful children and maintains a fulfilling social life, local mom Angela Fernstein just worries about him, that's all.

Image credit: Flickr. brixton. Creative Commons.

Ever since Ryan, now 28, left the family home in 2002 to pursue a degree in Journalism at Ball State University,   Mrs Fernstein has remained in a perpetual state of worry over whether her only son has "enough money to see him through the weekend."

"Perhaps I should send him some cash in the mail," she said, seemingly casting aside all knowledge of her son's $45,000 salary and annual $4,000 bonus. "He did say something about how he and Rebecca haven't bought groceries in two weeks. I hope he's okay."

Displaying a somewhat anxious countenance Friday, Fernstein explained that "there isn't a day goes by when she doesn't worry about Ryan", who was otherwise busy dining at his favorite 5-star restaurant complements of his employers, following news of his recent promotion.

"He didn't quite sound like himself when we last spoke," she pondered, failing to recall that Ryan had merely been exhausted following a really gratifying 5-set tennis match with best friend Anthony. "I'd really ought to pop on over tomorrow - just to make sure he's hanging in there."

Full-Time Mom 'Looking to Go Part-Time'

INDIANAPOLIS - Full-time mother of three, Stephanie Grantham, 22, has indicated to friends and relatives that she is about to go part-time in an effort to advance her dwindling social life.

Miss Grantham, who has spent 5 years managing her children's daily lives on a rolling seven day week, says she is looking to reduce her hours so that she can spend more time concentrating on shopping, hanging out with friends and consuming alcohol.

"I'm totally being shafted over with the hours I'm working," said the Indianapolis resident, knocking back a double gin and tonic. "Can you believe I've not had a day off in two years? Raising three little kids is a very demanding job, and from the very start I never imagined I'd still be going full time after five years."

"I'm just hoping I can get on the 11:00 to 1:30 schedule."

Meanwhile, Miss Grantham says that, as well as cutting down her maternal responsibilities, she is desperately hoping to get Saturdays and Sundays off, primarily so that she can get trashed and watch game shows with her best friend Angela. 

Image credit: mrgreen09. Creative commons.