Dear Dr. Sister, My Boyfriend Plays With His Dandruff and It's Disgusting

Dear Dr. Sister:

I've been dating a wonderful man for the last 3 months. He's intelligent, kind, witty, has a great job making a very good salary, devotes time and money to worthwhile charities, wants children (one day), loves me to distraction, and is a tremendous lover. I should be in seventh heaven.

However, he has a certain personal habit that really bothers me. Whether we're alone together or out in public, he will scratch his scalp, then examine the fingernail that did the scratching (it will be filled with soap residue and flakes...yes, he has a dandruff problem). With the pinky fingernail on his other hand, he scrapes the residue out from beneath his nail and propels it onto the floor with a rapid brushing of his fingertips. He does this constantly, wherever we may be, and I'll be honest: I find it revolting.

It's enough to give me serious second thoughts about him, and the relationship. But I wonder whether I'm being too picky, too superficial. What do you think? Can I truly find happiness with a man who is constantly grooming himself in this manner?

Signed,

Perplexed in Peru

My Precious Perplexed,

Father Henry used to do this until we super-glued a swim cap to his head. Might I suggest a similar solution?  I'd suggest a flowery swim cap. I think those are so cute! I used to have one until Sister Rosemary ate mine. She has pica and eats rubber. We haven't been able to go anywhere in months because she ate all of the tires on our bus (it's a short bus-smaller tires). She's an idiot. If you find men in swim caps sexually unattractive, wait until he falls asleep and file all of his fingernails to a point. I'd suggest you just cut them off, but it seems like this moron needs to learn the hard way. While you're at it, paint them pink. 

Word To Your Mother Superior,

Sista

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Obituary - Matt Thomas and Kelly Palance

Romantic couple Matt Thomas, 32, and Kelly Palance, 30, were killed September 2 in their Carmel home.  The pair had just finished writing out their pre-engagement joint “bucket list” of things they wanted to accomplish together before either of them died. The couple had entered the kitchen to make lunch when Thomas tripped over a mop bucket Palance had left out after cleaning the kitchen that morning, kicking it to Palance’s path. She too tripped over the bucket, kicking it across the room. Palance fell into Thomas, and together they tumbled down the basement stairs, breaking both their necks.

Indiana Couple Choosing to Abstain from Postmarital Sex

INDIANAPOLIS - Citing individual beliefs, core moral values and a mutual feeling of resentment toward the other person, Meredith and Anthony Boyer have pledged to experiment with the idea of abstaining from all forms of sexual activity now that they are married.

Mrs Boyer, who married her then fiance just three months after the two were first acquainted in 2008, says that the idea of having sex with someone to whom she is adjoined in Holy matrimony is "just not natural."

"It would go against everything I have learned to believe as an adult," said the 26-year-old accounts coordinator from Indianapolis. "While I truly believe that sex should be practiced between two people during the dating phase, making love to a husband with whom you have increasingly little in common is just wrong and disturbing."

"I ward off temptation by watching TV."

For his part, Mr Boyer believes that sex should only be practiced for the purposes of recreation and is "not - in any way - compatible with the married lifestyle."

"When I first met Meredith I knew that she was the only person I ever wanted to marry and ultimately stop having sex with. Now that I'm 28, the idea of making crazy, passionate love to my wife doesn't even register as a thought in my head."

"And on the rare occasion that it does, I quickly banish it by thinking about a report that's due the next morning or a meeting that took place earlier today. Anything to cast off the uncomfortable thought of my wife putting her hand down my pants."

Due to self imposed restrictions, meanwhile, the Boyers have even opted to refrain from sharing the same sleeping space, with the couple agreeing "that it might be for the best if Anthony sleep on the sofa downstairs."    

Image credit: fair use.

Local Couple Divorce, Blame Kid

FISHERS - The recent divorce of Fishers couple Barbara and Colin Woback was blamed solely on their 5-year-old daughter today, as papers were served at the local courthouse.

After 8 years of marriage, the couple decided to call off their vows two months ago citing irreconcilable differences.

However it came to light this morning that the real motivation for their split was the existence of their bed-wetting and emotionally distant child Stacy.

"Obviously, it's very painful to separate from a person you love so much," said 41-year-old Colin. "But I just want Barbara to know that she is not to blame for any of this; all responsibility lies with our daughter, who was quite frankly just becoming annoying."

Speaking briefly to the Tribune today, Barbara Woback (nee Carlton) said that she and her husband tried on numerous occasions to rekindle the good times they had shared prior to conceiving Stacy, but were pushed to breaking point by the youngster's social dysfunctions.

"She has just been a nightmare from start to finish," said the haggard estate agent. "Not only did we have to change her sheets twice a day, but her disruptive behavior in class meant we were constantly picking her up early from school.

"Because we really didn't want to let out our frustrations on Stacy, Colin and I began directing our anger at each other."

"And the rest is history."

Meanwhile, the estranged couple are set to meet in court again on July 11 to determine who will avoid having to claim custody of the child.