Dear Dr. Sister,
I am a single woman of "a certain age". All of my life, I have suffered with crooked teeth. My front teeth protrude far out of my mouth and I can not close my mouth without them sticking out. My biological clock is ticking and I would really like to meet a gentleman and settle down. What do you suggest?
Signed,
Denise in Indianapolis
My lovely Buckwild,
I am sorry to hear of your dental mishaps. Further, I'm sorry that your parents didn't love you enough to put braces on your chompers. Since you seem too dense to pursue orthodonitics, might I suggest lowering your standards? Perhaps you are pursuing men too far out of your league? If your bar is set low enough and you're still not meeting a suitable partner, ask that your next blind date take you out for a corn-on-the-cob. Surely, this will allow you to showcase a skill set. If that isn't in your bag of tricks, maybe show him how you floss with your mouth closed. If all else fails, learn how to wittle with your teeth. Every man loves a nice beaver.
Yours in God,
Sista
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