Santorum Ends Nation's Intense Fear of His Candidacy

WASHINGTON D.C. - Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum announced the end to the country's growing anxiety over his candidacy Tuesday, insisting that "personal issues had forced him to suspend national Santorum paranoia prematurely."

Image credit: Gage Skidmore. Creative Commons.

Mr Santorum, who's daughter was hospitalized earlier this week, held a press conference yesterday to officially end what had been a hard fought battle against the collective nerve of the American electorate.

"I entered this race with the intention of terrifying the American people with the prospect of me - Rick Santorum - actually becoming leader of the free world. It is with great regret, however, that I must draw this campaign of terror to a close. I am suspending the God awful fear of a Santorum presidency, effective immediately."

Meanwhile, Mr Santorum's announcement is widely expected to clear the way for widespread fears of Mitt Romney's eventual nomination later this year.