God Takes 2-Week Vacation, Leaves United Nations in Charge

HEAVEN - Taking a much needed break from the rigors of managing the planet Earth, which He has ruled over with omnipotence since its creation at the dawn of time, His Lordship Almighty God has reportedly taken a 2-week vacation, leaving representatives from the United Nations in temporary charge in his absence.

Retreating to one of his favorite destinations within the constellation of Ursa Minor, God is believed to have left behind a detailed work plan for member states of the UN, delegating work among Peacekeepers, aid workers and environmental watchdogs.

Image credit: World Economic Forum. Creative Commons.

"I'll be gone until around May 6," wrote God on a post-it note to UN General Secretary Ban Ki Moon. "Please, please, whatever you do, don't let the nation of Swaziland go without food again. Oh, and keep an eye on Syria will you? That pesky little country has been getting away with murder these past few months. Okay, gotta run. Pray if you need anything."

Members of The United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) have been placed in temporary command of disaster relief efforts in the event that a nation is struck down by a natural disaster during God's absence.

"I know that you've never been handed this kind of responsibility before," continued God in an email to the head of OCHA. "But if a powerful Earthquake rips through, for example, the streets of Istanbul, I need you guys to be on the ball. No dicking around. Understood?"

"I'm serious," he continued.

Meanwhile, leaving a parting message for UN Peacekeepers, God warned on-hand officials not to be bullied into letting America have its way with the nations of Iran, Syria and Pakistan.

"Even if they tell you it was my will," concluded God, "don't let the yanks start another highly unpopular war in the Middle East. It would make Thursday's dinner with Allah extremely uncomfortable. Okay, I'm really going now. Have fun!"