Paul Ryan: 'Must Not Look Weak, Must Not Look Weak, Must Not Look Weak'

KENTUCKY - Following his televised debate with Vice President Joe Biden Thursday, Mitt Romney's running mate Paul Ryan insisted: "must not look weak, must not look weak, must not look weak."

Adopting a serious tone during post-debate festivities, the 42-year-old said it was absolutely vital that he  refrain from breaking down in uncontrollable tears after what, after all, was a healthy debate with Mr. Biden.

"Be a man, Paul Ryan," Mr. Ryan repeatedly told himself backstage, while violently slapping his face. "Crying is a sign of weakness. Pull yourself together and show those motherfuckers who is boss. No one messes with Paul "The Muscle Machine" Ryan." 

"I'm a tiger, damn it," he continued, as campaign advisers asked, from behind his dressing room door, if he was alright.

According to several news correspondents on the scene, the Wisconsin congressman further proceeded to rip off his suit jacket in a moment of "intense emotional abandon", in which Mr. Ryan was heard whispering the words: "I won't fail you, daddy. I won't fail you."  

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Vice Presidential Debate Ready to Step In Should Something Happen to Presidential Debate

WASHINGTON D.C. - Thursday's vice presidential debate between incumbent VP Joe Biden and Republican challenger Paul Ryan insists it is more than prepared to be sworn into the national spotlight, should something happen to the presidential debate at some point down the road. In the unlikely event that the town meeting between President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney were to become incapacitated or unable to fulfill its duties as a presidential debate, Thursday's Vice Presidential debate in Kentucky reaffirmed that it would not shy away from allowing its two combatants to answer questions more geared toward a potential commander-in-chief. "One of the responsibilities of a vice presidential debate is knowing that you might have to step up to the plate and have your candidates duke it out over the issue of leadership," said the debate. "I am ready for such an eventuality."    

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Paul Ryan Hits Back at Critics, Wounds 5

TAMPA, FL - As the Republican National Convention drew to a close late last night, vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan hit back at his critics - many of whom have condemned Ryan's Wednesday night speech and wider political agenda - wounding 5 people in the process.

"I couldn't believe it," said eyewitness and former Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice. "Someone yelled out something about Mr. Ryan's record on abortion and the next thing I knew, Mr. Ryan was all over the individual. It was totally crazy."

It is believed that the Wisconsin congressman landed several punches into a female activist before lunging into several concerned onlookers.

"It was the most terrifying thing I've ever encountered," said recovering campaign volunteer Nancy Applegate. "He must have kicked me about fifteen times before ripping out a chunk of my hair. I... I just don't know what made him snap like that."

Mr Ryan's shocking tirade follows widespread criticism of his speech to the RNC, in which he appeared to deceive voters - two of whom received kicks to the head - into believing that President Obama's healthcare plan removed $716 billion from Medicare, when in fact this figure represented savings in Medicare reimbursement rates. 

Moreover, Mr Ryan violently slapped another witness, after it was pointed out that Mr Ryan's own proposed budget plan offered similar savings.

Meanwhile, it is understood that the violence only came to a halt after Mr Ryan was restrained by New Jersey Governor and RNC keynote speaker Chris Christie who insisted: "let me have a turn!"

INTERVIEW: Paul Ryan Talks Economy, The Church and Favorite Vice Presidents

The Indy Tribune sat down with Mitt Romney's pick for Vice President, Paul Ryan, this week to talk about the economy, The Church and his favorite vice presidents.