Self Help Author Has Some Great Tips for Letting Go of Your Fears, Money

INDIANAPOLIS - An emerging self help author today outlined his personal pledge to help you let go of both your irrational fears and, in turn, your hard earned money. 

During a motivational speech class in downtown Indianapolis today, Miles Thomas - a self help guru and certified psychologist of 7 years - reported that by paying just $250 per session, you will learn enlightening new ways to live your life free of worry and anxiety. 

"The techniques you will learn about in my book, which is available in all good bookshops for just $22, will open you up to a whole new world of peace, serenity and, well, debt. I would recommend this to anyone who is struggling with low self-esteem and/or anyone who has trouble holding onto their money." 

In his book, Thomas makes constant reference to his self help DVD, and strongly advises that you - with your terrible self image - go out and purchase it for another $19.99. 

"You needn't suffer from guilt or anxiety anymore," he continued. "Just pick up the phone and give my office a call today. Wireless surcharges may apply."

Image credit: ToddonFlickr. Creative commons.

Depressed Woman Turns Life Around Too Far

INDIANAPOLIS - Friends of local woman Nancy Harris say they are proud of the 29-year-old's steely determination to overcome depression, but admit that the new, more confident Nancy is actually more annoying than the needy, self-harming woman of 2 years ago. 

Miss Harris, who struggled for many years with dysthymic disorder, a type of depression characterised by low self esteem, fatigue and troubled eating habits, has followed the advice of her psychologist and various self help books to completely transform herself. 

However, best friend Angela Goodall says Nancy has turned her life around just a little bit too far. "I hate to say it, but the new Nancy is really stuck up", she said. "She used to be really self-depricating and quiet, but all she talks about now is how great her life is. Well, hurray for you, Nancy!". 

Other friends say they are fed up with being told that they should try reading Paul McKenna's Change Your Life in Seven Days and any other such books on combatting low self esteem. 

"Look, I admit it was quite irritating having to put up with her constant suicide threats before", said friend Michael Peach. "But in the last few months she just never shuts up about the wonderful effects of neuro linguistic programming, and how I should try it out. I just hope this is a phase". 

Defending herself this morning, Miss Harris told The Tribune that her friends are "just expressing their own insecurities through the medium of jealousy", but reiterated that "this could be remedied through improving their self images".