Lance Armstrong Apologizes to Supporters, Fellow Cyclists for Getting Caught

CHICAGO, IL - In an open and honest interview with Oprah Winfrey, disgraced former cyclist Lance Armstrong admitted to doping and apologized to fellow professionals and his supporters for getting found out.

During the interview, the first part of which was screened Thursday on the Oprah Winfrey Network, a remorseful Mr. Armstrong insisted that his decision not to sue The United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) for making doping claims against him is something he "highly regrets."

Lance Armstrong's Bicycle Releases Tell-All Biography

PLANO, TX - As questions continue to mount in the doping case against 7-time Tour de France winner, Lance Armstrong, the former cyclist's bicycle today released a new tell-all biography, in which it claims to have borne witness to the alleged activities. The book, entitled The Ride to Infamy and which was unveiled in bookshops nationwide Thursday, details a timeline of events in which Mr. Armstrong allegedly partook in performance enhancing activities, including doping. "During the 1999 Tour de France, Lance pedaled the shit out of me," said the bike, in chapter eight of the book. "I knew right there and then that either my master was super human, or something untoward was going on out there." At press time, the bike has not been called in by investigators as a credible witness in the case.

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