Obituary - Marlin Yoder

Marlin T. Yoder, 56, died November 13 in the parking lot of his employer, Atlas Logistics, Inc. Yoder, a 23-year veteran of the company, committed suicide by setting himself ablaze as horrified co-workers watched through the windows. Several employees rushed out to douse the flames with blankets and fire extinguishers as others called 911, but Yoder was pronounced dead at the scene. According to the suicide note he left in his cubicle, Yoder was inspired by the Buddhist monks in Tibet who have self-immolated to protest Chinese rule. Company office manager Judy Trinkle, who found the note, said it indicated that Yoder's protest was over the company's recent change of coffee creamer brands in the break room. "I can't help but feel partly responsible in a weird way," said Trinkle. "I mean, I bought the other creamer because it was a little cheaper. But for Marlin to do that over a switch in coffee creamers just seems really . . . well, honestly it seems really dumb, God rest his soul. He never even asked me to switch back or said anything to me about not liking the new one or anything."

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Amish Man Gets in Wreck, Totals Horse

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GOSHEN - A resident of the predominantly Amish town of Goshen is recovering this morning after getting into a wreck Thursday night, in which his horse Milton was left completely totaled. 29-year-old Isaac Hershberger says he is fortunate to escape with his life, after a Chevrolet Aveo cannoned into the side of his horse, which suffered extensive interior/exterior damage before being written off by appraisers early this morning. Meanwhile, eyewitness reports suggest that Mr Hershberger "may have been at fault" for the accident after it was noted that "oh my God, his left turn signal is out."

Amish Community Brought to Standstill as Woman Shows Ankles

Article by Carrie Bennett Fedor
HAGERSTOWN – A local Amish woman caused quite a stir this week in her Amish community outside of Hagerstown, Indiana. Sarah Stultzfoos, 23, was seen Thursday walking around with her ankles exposed.

The controversy has caused outrage within the community, with Miss Stultzfoos’ mother Katherine taking the unprecedented step of speaking to reporters through a channel of seven Englishers.

“Sarah is a good girl,” insisted Mrs Stultzfoos. “She just happened to lose her stockings and, let’s not forget, she's still a growing young woman. She frequently outgrows her dresses.”

Through the same outlet, Miss Stultzfoos 's father commented that, “This is simply Sarah's experimentation during rumspringa.” However, rumspringa – a period of adolescence when Amish teens experiment with courtship - usually lasts from ages sixteen to eighteen, a fact that has prompted many members of the order to say that Miss Stultzfoos 's parents are “in denial.”

“She ain't still growin',” declared local farmer Rick Schmitt. “She's twenty-three. I seen that girl walkin' around with her hairy legs pokin' outta that dress. I even seen her without her bonnet the other day, behind that thar barn.”

According to inside sources, various community members are “afraid to approach Sarah,” but the 23-year-old seems quite popular with the boys. Her mother says that despite her short dresses and lack of stockings, Sarah has eleven suitors if you don't count her cousin James.

One courter, Abraham Stultzfoos (no relation), says, “I don't mind that Sarah likes to show her ankles. I think it's very progressive.” There has been no word on where Mr Stultzfoos (no relation) learned the word “progressive.”

Meanwhile, Miss Stultzfoos has herself refused to comment on the matter and displayed an obscene hand gesture when approached by Tribune reporters this morning.

Article by Nancy Obitoire

Image credit: fair use.