The 31-year-old libido of John Shaw, 44, died in the bedroom of the Shaws’
Southport home September 12. “I don’t know,” reported Mr. Shaw. “I mean, I still
love Cheryl [Shaw’s wife of twenty years, Cheryl Shaw, 42] and all, but she’s
put on like ten pounds since the kids, and she’s gotten a few wrinkles, and oh
geez she took off her makeup before coming to bed. It’s like she just doesn’t
care anymore what excites me. I guess that just finally killed my libido once
and for all.” Mr. Shaw’s libido is preceded in death by Mrs. Shaw’s libido,
which, according to Mrs. Shaw, was killed years before by Mr. Shaw’s utter
disregard for his appearance and personal hygiene, his steady march toward
morbid obesity, his complete lack of ambition or initiative, his domineering
and selfish behavior, and his oafish and clumsy lovemaking.