Study Finds Earth May Once Have Harbored Intelligent Life

BOSTON, MA - A 5-year study carried out by Harvard University's Geological department has determined that, at some point in its relatively recent history, the planet Earth likely supported intelligent life.

Analysis drawn from a collection of rock samples taken from our home planet's equator has revealed traces of water dating back 20 years, prompting theories that advanced lifeforms - capable of cognitive behavior, intelligent discourse and logical debate - once existed on Earth.

Curiosity Pushing Self to Try and Do At Least 70 Feet Today

AEOLIS PALUS, MARS - In an effort to add greater intensity to its daily work-out and fitness routine, NASA's Curiosity rover pushed itself extra hard Saturday to try and do at least 70 feet. Attempting to beat its 1-day personal best distance of 64 feet, achieved during a particularly strenous workout early last week, the 2,000lb robotic device insisted that it was "taking it one goal at a time." "If I can just get past that difficult 67-feet mark I know this is a regimen I keep up," Curiosity Tweeted today. "As with anything, if I can keep it up for 90 days, I'm set then on for life. One day I'll be rolling 100 feet a day." Since we went to press, Curiosity has beamed back colorful new images of itself lying exhausted on a bed of rocks.

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