Launching his lifestyle book Lose Interest In Healthy Eating: 14 Days Back to the Same Old You, Dr. Allen Wilkes insisted Monday that while his methods may not appeal to everyone, weight-conscious Americans can return to an apathetic lifestyle after "two weeks of giving it their best shot."
"The most common New Years resolution among Americans is to start eating healthy and to get in shape," said Dr. Wilkes, at a book-signing in Indianapolis. "Most people give up on their New Year weight goals after about a month. The techniques in my book will help you stop giving a shit in as quickly as seven days. Trust me."
Without revealing details of how users can achieve such immediate loss of interest, Dr. Wilkes insisted that a healthy mixture of impulsive exercise and well-meaning dietary choices can lead to phenomenally temporary results.
"To anyone who recently made a vow to get in shape, I say purchase a copy of the book today. It will change your life for days and days to come."