Defeating his nearest rival Newt Gingrich by 14%, Mr Romney insisted that he is the best man to defeat President Barack Obama in November's holy fuck, this shit's getting old.
"Today's victory is massive," said the former Massachusetts Governor, as votes from the final precincts started to oh God, do we really have another nine months of this? Somebody kill me. "Now we move onto Nevada with momentum firmly in our favor."
Despite recent attack ads from the Gingrich campaign, Mr Romney spent big in the most recent leg of the 2012 election, giving him a clear, hey, this was all totally said last week.
"When I am elected president of the United States, I will repeal Obamacare," continued Mr Romney, in a pledge that is set to increase his popularity and oh, dear Lord, somebody change the fucking record already. It's like watching paint dry."
Meanwhile, the other two candidates in the race - Rick Santorum and Ron Paul - have focused all of their efforts on Nevada, which will go to the polls on right, that's it, I'm ready to stab my eyes out.
Image credit: Gage Skidmore. Creative commons.
