“Carmel is a world-class city,” Brainard said of the medium-sized suburb of Indianapolis in a public statement. “It’s obvious that we need to bring more to the table in order to compete on the global stage. With the addition of the new Carmel Motor Speedway (CMS) and the Carmel International Airport, the city of Carmel will once and for all become Indiana’s premier destination city. We are already the cultural center of Indiana thanks to the Palladium; we might as well be the hub of sports too.”
According to a statement released by Mayor Brainard’s office, the city is currently in negotiations with the American LeMans Series to add the new CMS to the circuit. “Obviously we selected LeMans because of the fancy French name and the fact that its elite place in racing reflect Carmel's superb demographics better than do NASCAR or IRL. We certainly don’t want RVs on our streets,” he added with a condescending chuckle.
According to the same statement, the airport and the racetrack would likely cost a combined $10 billion and would be paid for in roughly equal parts by donations from Carmelites, accounting hocus-pocus, and the tears of the poor.
Although the city itself only has a population of roughly 80,000, the recent wave of public spending amounts to more than the GDP of Finland in U.S. dollars. When asked if this level of spending was sustainable, Brainard said simply, “I think recent history makes it quite apparent that the idea of hitching our wagon to the star of constant, infinite growth is sound economic policy.”