The Wyatt family, who also endured an 8-hour car ride in which they were forced to interact with one another, had just claimed what 17-year-old Colin Wyatt described as a "sweet spot near the lifeguard station" when news of the shark sighting spread, leading officials to make the decision to close the beach to swimmers.
“Seriously, what a douche,” Colin said of the shark. “We were right next to this group of hot
girls and then this asshole shark comes along.
Suddenly the girls are all freaked out, they’re packing up, and they’re
leaving. Total cock block,” he said,
shaking his head in disgust.
Colin’s father, Dan Wyatt, agreed: “Yeah, that shark was a real dick. He’s got the whole damn Atlantic
Ocean to hang out in, but no, he’s got to go seal hunting right
off the beach we’re trying to swim at. Now,
instead of floating around on the waves for a few hours while my wife reads,
she wants me to go walking up and down the shore with her.”
“I thought my days of pretending to enjoy walks on the beach
were over, you know?” Mr. Wyatt added.
The asshole shark is believed to be the same one responsible
for ruining thousands of beach-goers’ vacations last summer. John Leavitt, director of tourism for Cape
Cod, said that the impact of the shark on the area had more to do
with image than economics.
“People have expectations for their Cape Cod
vacation; they want to sit in the sun, get drunk, and oogle half-naked people
while their kids play in the sand. A
seal-noshing shark sort of shits all over that idea.”
The shark was not expected to change his dickhead ways
before the conclusion of the Wyatt family’s week-long vacation.
Image credit: fair use.