INDIANAPOLIS - Police arrested 34-year-old Indianapolis resident and creepy uncle Joe Saltzheimer Monday, preemptively charging him with the impending abduction of 3-year-old nephew Jordan.
"We're working very closely with Jordan's soon-to-be-distraught parents Megan and Anthony Wycombe in connection with the boy's disappearance, which we have every reason to believe will be carried out by the child's uncle, Jospeh Brian Saltzheimer in around four weeks time," said Officer Mitchell Pierce.
"It's nearly always the uncle in these cases," he continued.
Saltzheimer has already been taken in for fingerprinting and is expected to appear in court on April 30 to answer his case - some 24 days before it is widely imagined he will abduct the boy from the Wycombe's front porch.
"We're just going to assume it'll be him," continued Officer Pierce. "Given his stereotypical facial features and conveniently close ties to the family in question, Salzheimer certainly fits the description of someone who is likely to abduct a helpless 3-year-old."
Saltzheimer has also emerged as the prime suspect in the child's likely murder, while police believe he will be responsible for eventually burying the young boy underneath his patio.