The road, which is used by thousands of ambitious commuters each day, is set to undergo "major repairs" over the next eighteen months, with plans to use the Road to Nowhere as a detour.
"We are looking at the long term effects that this will have on the city of Indianapolis," said Ballard. "It might be frustrating to have to take a longer route to places like Oh My God, I've Finally Made It, but two years from now, because of the work we are doing on the road, people will be able to get from A to B so much faster."
Residents, however, have not been quick to accept the proposals, with frequent commuter Mandy Leibowitz insisting that the measures are going to make it almost impossible for her to get to Fucking Hell, I'm a Professional Author Now.
"I've sent my book to hundreds of publishers," said the 31-year-old. "But every single publishing office is at the end of the Road to Success. I might as well resign myself to a future in accounting."
Meanwhile, many in the 35-50 demographic have insisted that the construction work doesn't effect them, since they stopped using the road years ago.
"The Middle of the Road is where I drive" said local man Brian Sharpe. "If they even think about digging that up, there'll be Hell to pay."