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TIT: Ladies and gentleman of the internet, please welcome Chicago’s very own Mr Shawn Bowers. Now, Shawn, be warned that we here at the Indy Tribune don’t shy away from the hard and probing questions: with that said, how’s the weather up in Chicago?SB: It's cold-ish, rainy, not snowing yet, and surprisingly average for a midwestern winter. I like it because I can wear a coat without gloves, because I just lost my gloves. But I plan to buy new ones at Target this week, for those who are concerned.
TIT: Sounds like you'll need 'em. I hear that Chicago is set to be destroyed by “the white stuff” this year - in, like, record fashion.
SB: I haven't heard that, but I don't follow the weather too closely… I'm used to it by now. I'm from Kansas. Chicago snow days are pretty tame by comparison.
TIT: Wow! Okay, time to get serious (well, not really): I understand that your son Brand was kidnapped. That must be a bit of a bummer?
SB: It's more than a bummer, it's the ultimate bummer. My son was brutally kidnapped right out from under me by someone who won't even clearly identify himself, and now I'm left to pick up the pieces like an idiot. His mother's pissed, the authorities are no help…it's just a mess. As far as messes go, it's one of them.
TIT: Oh man I feel for you. I understand the kidnapper has some pretty strong demands in order for you to get your son back, am I right?
SB: Yeah, I mean…most kidnappers ask for money. That's pretty standard, and it makes sense if you think about it. The man who kidnapped my son, who calls himself "Stexxx," has demanded 500 photos of babies in costumes in exchange for my son's life. Now that may not seem like a difficult task, but you can only Google Image Search so much every day.
TIT: I can imagine, I tried running a quick search before this interview... you know, as part of my research? There were some pretty distasteful pictures, man. Mind you, I think that was an issue with my settings. Now, I’ve seen the website - babiesformyson.net - that you’ve set up to raise awareness of Brand’s kidnapping and where you’ve compiled a growing list of novel baby photos. What can people do to help? Can others contribute photos?
SB: I think the biggest thing that people can do to help is pray. The second thing that people can do to help is to send ME money so that I can support a lifestyle that can in turn give me the emotional strength to get my son back. The third thing people can do is deliver food, or gifts. Beyond that, yes. People can submit photos of their own babies or babies they know wearing costumes. I've only had a few personal submissions thus far, which I assume means people hate my son and want him to stay kidnapped.
TIT: Holy... I'm lost for words. Can't imagine what you're going through right now.
SB: Also, the trick to searching for baby photos is to organize your words properly. Keep your "Safe Search" firmly on and search for "baby in a costume" as opposed to something like "baby costumes" or "costume of a baby." That's going to be mostly adult fetish porn.TIT: THAT'S where I was going wrong.
SB: Which is not at all what my site is about. If I can get one thing across to people, it's that my site is not adult fetish porn.
TIT: I can vouch for that.
SB: Thank you.
TIT: Now, how else can people keep abreast (hehe) of the latest photos?
SB: Well we have a Facebook page at facebook.com/BabiesForMySon. Or people can e-mail submissions or general letters of encouragement to BabiesForMySon@gmail.com. There's a link on the site as well, which is the photo of a baby police officer coming out of an envelope. It's adorable. It's all adorable, honestly. It's the cutest ransom ever…because my son? He's ten years old. He's past the point of cute and into the realm of "oh I see where this is going." These babies…looking into the cold digital eyes of a baby wearing a hot dog costume every day…I miss the disappointed eyes of my live, less adorable son. Now I know how Meg Ryan felt in the film Proof of Life, kind of.
TIT: I know how she felt in the cafe scene from When Harry Met Sally, but I digress. Time for the hard-hitting question: if you could spend one minute in a sound proof room with Stexxx, what do you think you’d say to him?
SB: First, I'd say "who are you?," because I legitimately want to know. Then…I don't know, I might thank him, as weird as that sounds. I yell at him a lot on the website, because I'm angry and sometimes my keyboard gets stuck in bold italics. But in a lot of ways, this Stexxx character has taught me a lesson. I didn't even really know Brand that well. I didn't know he existed until a few days before he was kidnapped, and just as I was getting to know him, he was taken from me. And now, in the months since he's been gone, I've learned even less about him because I can't ask him direct questions on account of him being kidnapped. They say that kidnapping makes a daddy's heart grow more interested. I think that's the old wives phrase. And I get that now. I WANT to know my son. I WANT him to survive. And more than anything, I WANT STEXXX TO BURN FOR THE CRIMES THAT HE'S COMMITTED AGAINST MY NEWFOUND FAMILY.
TIT: I can only sympathize. I truly hope you make it to 500 pictures in time. Final question: do you have any questions for us?
SB: I do. Do you have a folder with, like…468 photos of babies in costumes lying around anywhere?
TIT: Yes, but they were acquired while safe search was off. Is that going to be a problem?
SB: I think you may have just incriminated yourself.
TIT: I just better hope no one reads all the way down to the bottom of the interview. Or I could just edit this thing.
SB: Nobody reads to the bottom of things anymore, you'll be fine.
TIT: That's what I thought. And with that, Mr Shawn Bowers, you are free to leave.
SB: Thank you, sir! Tell anyone with access to a Google Computer Account to spread the good word and dig up some interesting babies! I'm off to a Web Cafe to continue fighting the good fight (and probably getting distracted with a Sudoku or something too).
Image credit: courtesy of Shawn Bowers.