Millions of Americans Wake Up to Terrifying Realization That Romney Might Soon Be President

WASHINGTON D.C. - As the Republican National Convention unfolded this week, millions of registered voters across the nation awoke Wednesday to the terrifying realization that Mitt Romney now stands a relatively decent chance of becoming the 45th President of the United States.

Even though the former Massachusetts governor continually refuses to release his tax returns, espouses outdated attitudes toward women and believes that homosexuals should be denied the right to marry, it has not gone unnoticed by the wider population that Romney is somehow "neck-and-neck" with Barack Obama in various polls.

"My gosh, how did this happen?," said petrified life-long Democratic voter Gary Marchant. "This man actually said that he doesn't care about the poor. This is a quote. He said it. And yet, hundreds of millions of people might just vote the asshole into office."

"What the... I really don't know what happened."

Fighting back an enormous sense of panic this morning, Indianapolis resident Rebecca Schuster insisted that even though Romney's likely nomination had been known for many months, just to hear the RNC officially announce the 65-year-old as its nominee brought her to tears.

"I am just petrified that he'll actually edge out Obama at the election," she said. "The fact that the voting populous is strongly considering electing a man who owns a Swiss Bank account, refuses to reveal his tax returns and sees people as corporations is beyond insane."

"I might as well end it all now," she continued.

The sense of unrelenting dread is even thought to have spread to thousands of Republican voters, who secretly fear that Romney, once elected, might rekindle his advocacy for socialized healthcare, same-sex marriage and legalized abortion.