Perry, who sought an exploratory commission to run for the White House in August, is respected on the conservative right for his strong sense of misleadership during a record 11-year gubernatorial reign.
Having misguided the state of Texas to relative economic stability, Perry is expected to center his entire campaign around his ability to lead the nation astray.
"Mr Perry knows exactly what the people want, and he's prepared to do anything to ensure that they are deluded into believing that they are getting it," said Perry campaign staffer Rich Beeson. "Mr Perry truly is the man to mislead this country forward."
Several analysts have placed Mr Perry as the GOP frontrunner ahead of next year's election, insisting that his ultra-conservative stance on social issues such as gay marriage and abortion make him the ideal candidate to misfire the economy back to good health.
"He's not going to dwell too much on policies that will make him look bad," continued Beeson. "More likely, he will pitch proven conservative ideals such as his opposition to abortion or the need to de-fund National Public Radio."
Meanwhile, in an address to voters in Iowa, fellow GOP hopeful Rick Santorum has begun a nationwide fundraising crusade, vowing to misuse every penny on his own potentially awful run for president.
Image credit: creative commons. Gage Skidmore.