Traditionally, the Opening Ceremonies include a parade of
each country’s athletes, the entrance of the Olympic torch, and an artistic
display representing the host nation’s culture.
However, as Artistic Director Danny Boyle’s vision for representing the
United Kingdom began to come together, officials questioned whether it wasn’t
time for a new format.
“We were looking at Russell Brand and Adele riding into the
stadium in giant teacups, surrounded by children dressed as chimney sweeps
while Paul McCartney and Elton John sang “God Save the Queen,” said Amanda Cummings,
a spokesperson for the IOC. “And we
thought, ‘This has all been done before.
We need to shake things up a bit.’”
News of the revamped format was met with an overwhelmingly
positive response among the American public.
“Whoa, no shit, they’re gonna just fight it out? Like, for real?” said Greg Landon, 24, of
Indianapolis, when asked for his opinion on the new plan for the Opening
Ceremonies.
“Like, sudden death for real? I would totally watch those Olympics,” he
added.
His girlfriend, Kelsie Wyllie, agreed. “That sounds awesome. The Opening Ceremony is so lame and it totally sucks that we always
have to wait through all those other countries to see the USA team. Why can’t they call us America so we can go
earlier? I just want to see the athletes I actually care about, like Peyton
Manning.”
When asked about the effect this move would have on the rest
of the Games, originally scheduled to run through August 12th, IOC
members did not appear overly concerned.
“Well, yes, this new fight to the death format does mean the
cancellation of the actual Games,” Amanda Cummings conceded. “But we find that, other than gymnastics and
swimming, few people actually tune in to the Olympics. I mean, when was the last time anyone cared
who won the gold medal in canoeing? Or badminton?”
“This simply makes for better TV,” Cummings concluded.
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